Everything Is Different

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all had a blessed Christmas with family and friends. Our Christmas was nice, but so different this year. We had Christmas with the whole family (my sister and her family, my parents, and our whole family) on Sunday at my Mom and Dad's house. This was the only day our whole family could be together. Kristen and Bruce had to work on Christmas so we didn't get to see them. One of the bad things about being a doctor is that people need you every day, not just when it is convenient!! I am happy they were helping others though. We don't have a traditional meal when we all get together at my Mom and Dad's. We all bring snacks. I think we were all in a cheese coma by the time we left!! Here are a few pics of our Christmas together.

Bruce and Kristen, Grandma Tommie and the backs of Steph and Ryan.

Katie, Matt, Michael, and Wayne (My sister, Linda's, family.) Little Stinky is laying next to Wayne.

 

Ryan and Stephanie ( Linda in the background being Santa).

 

Mark with a beautiful snowglobe from Sis and Bruce.

Sis and Bruce with presents wrapped in Boston Terrier paper from Stephanie.

My Mom and Dad came down to our house on Christmas Eve and stayed overnight. I am so happy they were with us. I think we would have been so sad if it would have been just Mark and I, Ryan and Steph. We had lots of food on Christmas Eve and a huge brunch of sausage, egg, and cheese casserole, cheesy potatoes, and coffee cake. Before we ate and opened gifts, we went to the cemetery to see Wo. Mark and I had taken a lantern up to her grave the night before. It burned all night. Others had candles lit at their loved ones gravesites. We miss Wo so much, but know she is in a perfect place. They say that people that have passed give us signs that they are around us through coins, feathers, time, and butterflies, ladybugs, etc. Well, in this past week I looked at the time on my register at work for no reason. Once it was 1:11, and then it was 3:33. Yesterday, I happened to look at the stove and it was 4:44. Crazy, huh. There was a ladybug on the ceiling yesterday and one on my blanket as well. You might all think I am nuts to believe in this stuff, but if you have lost someone, it brings enormous comfort to get these signs. I always smile, chuckle to myself, and say thanks to Wo. Here are a few pics from yesterday.

Saying hi to our precious Wo.

This is the first time my Mom and Dad saw Lauren's stone. They loved it!!

 

Our beautiful tree.

 

So happy they were here with us!!

For many years we took pictures of the kids sitting on the steps before they opened their presents. We couldn't deal with only having poor Ryan in the photo this year, so we have retired the idea. One year Sis had to work and couldn't be here on Christmas. We thought that was sad. Now, with Wo gone, it is way too painful. Here are some wonderful memories from years past.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We had a nice time opening presents. My Mom and Dad left to go to Linda and Wayne's house. We watched Christmas movies all day. I think my favorite is Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase. The Santa Clause is up there too. We had a quiet dinner. I was more upset the days before Christmas than the actual day. Even though I missed Wo and seeing Sis and Bruce, I felt kind of peaceful. Grief is a very strange thing. It hits you at the weirdest times. I am grateful that it didn't hit too hard yesterday. I hope you all appreciated the time you spent with loved ones, because it is by far the greatest gift we could ever receive. God bless you all and have a wonderful New Year!!

Love,
-Pam

Missing Wo

Hi Everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I am just not in the holiday spirit, but still trying to keep with tradition for Lauren's sake and the rest of my family. I am missing the JOY and excitement our family used to have during the holiday season. I guess grief takes over most things. I hope this will be temporary because life won't be much fun if it stays this way. This is the reason I have not been writing posts. I hate being a Debbie Downer and that is what I am right now.

I did go out and get a job. I really don't like it, but hey, it helps pay the bills. I put on my biggest smile and happiest attitude with my customers. They have no idea how sad I am on the inside. It is pretty exhausting pretending to be happy. I know Mark knows how I feel because he does the same thing each day, except he loves his job. Great people that really value his knowledge and expertise. He really deserves that. He misses Wo and is having just as hard of a time as I am.

Lauren's gravestone was finally done and delivered. We had a hard time getting a picture that we loved. The artist that etched the stone finally drew a sketch that Mark and I both loved. It must have been so hard for her to try and capture Lauren's personality with never meeting her or seeing her in person. We love the stone very much and feel better when we go to the cemetery. It is nice seeing a picture of Lauren and being able to touch it. Her eyes seem to follow us wherever we stand. I think she would love the stone and the way we have her gravesite decorated.

 

Kristen and Bruce came home to visit last weekend. We had a nice time with them. They took us to Bonefish Grill on Saturday night. The food was delicious and the company was even better!! Stephanie and Ryan were also able to go with us.

Ryan and Stephanie

 

Sis and Bruce

 

Ryan and Sis

I talked about our traditions a while back. We have a cheesy angel I bought way back before Mark and I were even married at a People's Drug in Summit Mall. We have had it as our tree topper for years. I changed the topper a few years back and of course the kids had a fit about it. So, I kept the angel and put it with my other figurines but did not want it on the top of the tree. We bought this fancy angel that changed color. This year, when I went to put that tree topper up, it fell apart and somehow I busted the wires off of it. So, guess what is on top of our tree? You got it. The old, raggedy angel. I wonder if Wo had something to do with this!! Here is our sad looking angel. It's funny how beautiful it looks to me this year. I am happy it is on top of our tree.

I am sure going to miss wrapping presents and baking cookies with Wo this year. She was so much fun to be around. I miss driving her to Michigan for doctor appointments and chemo. I miss going to the grocery store with her and out to lunch. I miss getting her pills for her before bed and tucking her in. I miss taking care of her. I know she is with us, but I wish so much I could see her and touch her.

I wish you all the happiest of holidays. Please tell your family members you love them often. There is nothing more precious.

Love,
-Pam

Lauren took this picture of herself after she had her Y-90 radioembolization. She had so much hope that she would get better. This picture breaks my heart and makes me cry every time I look at it because she was so brave.

Just Checking In

Hi Everyone,

I just thought I would let you know that everything is ok. I got a job and I am worn out when I get home. This is the reason for new new posts lately. Hopefully, I will write a new post early next week. Mark's job is going great. I am not loving mine, but hey it's a job!! Lauren's headstone is in the final stages and almost done!! The tree is up! This time of year totally freaks me out. Way too stressful. Mark and I are having a difficult time missing our Wo. She loved the holidays and always brought such enthusiasm and excitement to our home. I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Talk to you soon.

Love,
-Pam