Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Missing Wo

Hi Everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I am just not in the holiday spirit, but still trying to keep with tradition for Lauren's sake and the rest of my family. I am missing the JOY and excitement our family used to have during the holiday season. I guess grief takes over most things. I hope this will be temporary because life won't be much fun if it stays this way. This is the reason I have not been writing posts. I hate being a Debbie Downer and that is what I am right now.

I did go out and get a job. I really don't like it, but hey, it helps pay the bills. I put on my biggest smile and happiest attitude with my customers. They have no idea how sad I am on the inside. It is pretty exhausting pretending to be happy. I know Mark knows how I feel because he does the same thing each day, except he loves his job. Great people that really value his knowledge and expertise. He really deserves that. He misses Wo and is having just as hard of a time as I am.

Lauren's gravestone was finally done and delivered. We had a hard time getting a picture that we loved. The artist that etched the stone finally drew a sketch that Mark and I both loved. It must have been so hard for her to try and capture Lauren's personality with never meeting her or seeing her in person. We love the stone very much and feel better when we go to the cemetery. It is nice seeing a picture of Lauren and being able to touch it. Her eyes seem to follow us wherever we stand. I think she would love the stone and the way we have her gravesite decorated.


Kristen and Bruce came home to visit last weekend. We had a nice time with them. They took us to Bonefish Grill on Saturday night. The food was delicious and the company was even better!! Stephanie and Ryan were also able to go with us.

Ryan and Stephanie

Sis and Bruce

Ryan and Sis
I talked about our traditions a while back. We have a cheesy angel I bought way back before Mark and I were even married at a People's Drug in Summit Mall. We have had it as our tree topper for years. I changed the topper a few years back and of course the kids had a fit about it. So, I kept the angel and put it with my other figurines but did not want it on the top of the tree. We bought this fancy angel that changed color. This year, when I went to put that tree topper up, it fell apart and somehow I busted the wires off of it. So, guess what is on top of our tree? You got it. The old, raggedy angel. I wonder if Wo had something to do with this!! Here is our sad looking angel. It's funny how beautiful it looks to me this year. I am happy it is on top of our tree.

I am sure going to miss wrapping presents and baking cookies with Wo this year. She was so much fun to be around. I miss driving her to Michigan for doctor appointments and chemo. I miss going to the grocery store with her and out to lunch. I miss getting her pills for her before bed and tucking her in. I miss taking care of her. I know she is with us, but I wish so much I could see her and touch her.

I wish you all the happiest of holidays. Please tell your family members you love them often. There is nothing more precious.


Lauren took this picture of herself after she had her Y-90 radioembolization. She had so much hope that she would get better. This picture breaks my heart and makes me cry every time I look at it because she was so brave.


  1. Pam,
    Sending thoughts and prayers to you this Christmas.
    Lauren's marker is so beautiful just like she was. I will be lighting a candle for sweet Wu today.
    Thinking of you all.
    Love, Cathy & Heather

  2. Pam,
    I felt badly Wo came out as Wu! When I post from my iPhone the spell correct keeps switching it. I'm in Denver helping my mom who recently moved to assisted living. Didn't get any cards sent, did little shopping, but I'm happy I can be here to help. As you know it's about being with those you care about.
    You have been very strong and I can only imagine how hard this has been. I feel terrible about what happened to Lauren and wish she was with the family that loves her so much. Her marker is such a lovely tribute and the artist did a wonderful job. I believe Lauren is at peace and hope you will be reunited one day.
    Hugs, Cathy & Heather