Trying To Keep Busy

Hi Everyone,

I am not really sure why I continue to write this blog, but I guess I do it to make myself feel better and in some way keep Lauren's memory alive. Today is a hard day for me for some reason. Grief is very sneaky. You can think you are getting stronger and more able to handle your feelings and then BOOM, something triggers a huge wave of sadness and you have to start over. Today is one of those days for me and I have noticed Mark and Ryan are having difficult times lately as well. The realization that sweet Wo is not coming back really hurts sometimes. Don't worry, we will all get over this hump and be stronger than before.

Mark and I have been trying to stay busy and have fun. We have realized life is short and you need to make the most of it. We went to Atwood Lake one day and rented a pontoon boat. We visited some historic buildings and gardens in Zoar. We went to the Portage County Fair yesterday since Lauren loved to go every year. We have been using our pool since it has been hot lately and we even had a bonfire one night. One of our neighbors got a bunch of trees cut down and let us have some wood. I went to breakfast with friends one day last week and we were laughing so hard and being so loud that I don't think the restaurant would care if we ever came back!! I went up to my Mom and Dad's house last week for a few days and had a great time visiting. I went with them one day to look for new cell phones. They finally got them and I went back to their house and drank two beers after the fiasco we had to go through. If you know me at all, you know I rarely drink, but it was a nice end to a trying day. Their friends from Wadsworth, Danny and Ann, came to visit one day when I was there. We have known them since I was a little kid, so it was great to see them and catch up. My Dad is doing great recovering from his surgery. He had an appointment today at U of M and hopes to get off some of his meds. He has been a model patient and we went out and walked a few times when I was there. I could hardly keep up with him!!

Mark and I at Atwood Lake cruising around on a pontoon boat.

My Mom figuring out her new smartphone!
 

My Dad with his plain Jane phone!!

Kristen and Bruce are doing well. Sis started her new job and loves it. She has a lot of responsibility since she is in charge now rather than being supervised as a resident. She is a born leader and will be great. She and Ryan are going to run in a 5k in a few weeks in Detroit called The Neon Vibe. It will benefit the Children's Miracle Network. The runners wear white and put glow in the dark stuff all over them and then run. I guess there are black lights so they will glow. This is right up Ryan's alley because he likes to go to Raves, although this is not a Rave. He loves dubstep music and likes to dance with glow in the dark stuff on. I know Raves get a bad name because there is drug use involved at them, but Ryan swears he stays clear of all that and just enjoys the music. He is a good kid, so we totally believe him. Here is an ad for the race.

Our friend, Lisa Craine, and her husband David have formed a fundraiser that raises money to help find a cure for Cholangiocarcinoma, the cancer Lauren had and Lisa still has. We became great friends with Lisa and have gone to lunch many times with her. I have posted many pics of us together on this blog. Lauren always felt so at ease with Lisa and they would talk and talk about their cancer and many other things. Lisa was going to be a bridesmaid in Lauren and Gio's wedding. Anyway, the fundraiser is done through the Akron Community Foundation and The Akron Marathon. They raised over $14,000 last year and hope to raise more this year. They are called Craine's Cholangiocarcinoma Crew and this year they are dedicating the fundraiser in honor of Wo. I think this is so sweet and I sure hope a lot of money is raised to benefit the finding of a cure for Cholangiocarcinoma. This cancer does not receive much funding because it is considered rare, so they need all the help they can get. Here is the link to Lisa and David's website. There is a video of them and much more. Thanks for doing all this David and Lisa. You two are amazing!!    www.crainescancercure.org
 

This is Wo and Lisa the last time they would ever have lunch together. Breaks my heart.

That is about it for now. I have a Direct TV guy here adding a Genie to our system. DVR, HD, and the whole shebang on all our tvs. Woo Hoo!!! I will leave you with a sweet pic of our Wo when she was a little girl. Oh, how I wish this was a bad dream and I would wake up. Until next time...

Love,
-Pam

About Time For A New Post

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it has been so long since I last wrote anything, but I never had time to sit down and write until today. A lot has happened since then. I hope I can remember everything. I can't even remember what I had for dinner yesterday let alone remember everything that went on the last few weeks!! Many of you that have Facebook have already seen and heard about what I am writing, but this is for those of you that don't have Facebook. Ok, here goes.

I got a tattoo!! Ever since Lauren passed away I have wanted something permanent to remember her by. So what could be more permanent than a tattoo!! I used to tease Mark when I was younger that I wanted a tattoo and he would get so mad at me. I guess we grew up in the day where the only people that had tattoos were guys in the service and motorcycle gangs. He did not think a tattoo was very ladylike and I agreed. I now know I was being judgmental and that people get tattoos for many reasons including remembering someone that is gone. Mark didn't have a problem with me getting it now and he might even get one. I love mine and what it represents. The tattoo parlor that I visited was everything I imagined and then some. Lots of skulls, a huge guy with long hair and a bandana around his head covered with tattoos, incense burning, and '70's music blasting. I felt like I was in an episode of Sons of Anarchy!! But, I have to tell you, Big Jeff, as my tattoo artist is known, was one of the sweetest men ever. His wife, Tammy, and his other artist, Marvin, were equally as nice and so sympathetic to our loss. I had found a tattoo online that I really liked and wanted to add Lauren's name to it. Big Jeff came up with the perfect design and I was so excited. I wasn't really scared because I knew I could handle how much it hurt because Lauren had handled so much more. And hurt it did, like having my arm cut with razor blades. I had to wince a few times and dig my hand into my leg, but I did it!!! Here is my beautiful tattoo.

My Dad had surgery on Aug. 2nd to repair his mitral valve in his heart. It was leaking very badly and probably was born that way, but his heart was enlarged and it was getting worse. The surgery went great and he was in the cardiac ICU where they woke him up, extubated him, and everything was great. He did have 2 drains in his chest, a big incision, ivs, and monitors. My Mom and I were there as well as my sister, Linda, and her husband, Wayne. Bruce and Kristen also came by after work. Linda and Wayne left for home that evening and my Mom and I stayed at Sis and Bruce's house. Bruce got a page early the next morning that my Dad was in trouble. He woke me and my Mom up and all I could think was "Please God, you already took Lauren. Don't take my Dad." I guess he was fine all night and then all of a sudden, he couldn't breathe. He thinks he passed out because he could not take one bit of air in and he was so scared. Both of his lungs had collapsed and emergency measures were taken to help him. He had to have two chest tubes put in to take the air out of his chest so the lungs could inflate. He also had to be intubated again. When we got there, he was sedated. It reminded me so much of Lauren all over again. But when the sedation started wearing off, he could hear us and shake his head and move his hands. How awful it is to be awake and have a breathing tube down your throat. That is one of my nightmares. He finally was able to breathe on his own and the tube was taken out. He was good as new in a few hours!! He is incredible. He stayed in the ICU until Tues. and was moved to the regular floor, where he went home on Thurs. and is doing great. Nothing like scaring us all to death and nobody knows why his lungs collapsed. Here are some pics.

 

Before surgery with Bruce, Lisa, Joel, and my Mom. Lisa is a good friend of Kristen's and is a cardiac fellow. Joel finished his cardiac fellowship and will be working with Kristen at St. Joe's.

Dad and his girls.



They gave my Dad a U of M coughing pillow and being the Buckeye that he is, he thought it was funny to do the O-H-I O. They didnt't find it too amusing up in Wolverine country, but we did.


 

Resting at Sis and Bruce's before going home.

I got home Friday afternoon and was so excited to see my doggies. I made Mark a home cooked meal since he didn't cook for himself the whole week I was gone. What would he do without me? We went to visit Wo at the cemetery and have every day since I have been back. I was pretty good up at the hospital. Only one meltdown. I think I was too busy worrying up there and didn't have a lot of time to think. Since being home, I am sad more, but better than I was. It is going to take a very long time. Her are a few pics of Lauren's grave and of course one of beautiful Wo. We have it decorated until her stone is finished. It is so peaceful there. That is about all for now. Until next time...

Love,
-Pam

 

 

 

Small Update On My Dad

Hi Everyone,

For those of you that are friends with my Mom and Dad, here is an update on my Dad. As you know, my Mom doesn't hear very well,so it is easier if I do this than have her call everybody. My Dad's surgery went great and he was extubated and sitting in a chair when we left the hospital last night. Bruce got a page early this morning that my Dad was having troubles. He told the nurse that he wasn't feeling well and started having trouble breathing. His bp started to drop as well. They did a chest x-ray and found out he had air in his chest called a pneumothorax in both sides. They had to sedate him, put the breathing tube back in, and put two more chest tubes in. He is still sedated and on the ventilator, but can hear us and respond to us. They are going to slowly wean him off the vent. His surgeon was in this morning and said this sometimes can happen, but he will be fine. So, as of right now, he is good. Prayers for him are always welcome!! I will write a more in depth post once I have time.

Love,
-Pam