Sunday, November 10, 2013

Puppies and Pain In My Heart

Hi Everyone,

I'm still down in the dumper, but hopeful I will feel better soon. Mark and I have both had some weird virus or flu the last few weeks. Sore throat, fever, cough, stuffy nose, body aches. I didn't think we could get the flu because we had flu shots this year, so who knows. We are both feeling better, but we were sick for a long time. I still have a bad cough, but I am getting better.

Mark got a job and we are very grateful for that. He had a drug test Friday and they are waiting for those results and then he can start!! Hopefully, it will be this week. I am still looking. I have applied about ten or more places and no calls yet. I am a great worker and very dependable. I sure hope I can find something soon.

My Mom and Dad came down and took us to lunch yesterday at Grinders. We had a nice time visiting with them. Last evening, they went to Wadsworth's football playoff game with some of their friends and stayed overnight with them.

Sis and Bruce got home last weekend after a week in California where they went to wine country and San Francisco with friends and visited Bruce's family near Sacramento. They had a great time.

My little pups, Peanut and Penny, both had birthdays this week. Peanut was six on Monday and Penny was three yesterday. I don't know what I would do without these little munchkins. They are so sweet and just love to sleep on my lap.

Peanut when we went to go pick him out at the breeder's house. He is only four weeks old in this picture. We had to wait until he was six weeks old before we could take him home. He only weighed a little over one pound when we brought him home.

Little Penny when we first got her from the same breeder we got Peanut from. 

We went to K Mart today and got some cute solar lights that look like little candy canes and put them at Wo's gravesite. She had a tall light that has been there ever since she was buried. Now she has three!! We have been going to the cemetery every day, but now since the time has changed, we get there and it is already dark. We can see her little light shining when we pull into the cemetery and she is buried way in the back. It really pulls at my heart to see that little light shining. I am really bracing for the coming holiday season. I know I will be a real wreck throughout. The pain of missing my child is the worst pain I could ever imagine. She was such a character and loved the holidays so much. I just think of how lonely it will be to bake cookies without her. I wonder how Giovanni is doing. He is probably as sad as we are. I hope we get to see him over the holidays. I really miss him too.

Other than that, we haven't been doing much. I stay up late because my mind races and I sleep in late so I don't have to think about things. Thank goodness for Candy Crush!! That game is so frustrating, but also so invigorating when you win!! Haha. I really want to get out of this rut and enjoy life again. Sometimes I feel guilty for laughing or having fun when I think of all the pain poor Wo had to go through. There really is nothing that will help but time. People always say that the pain never goes away, but you just get used to it. I am very grateful to have an understanding husband, a daughter that makes me laugh and always has words of wisdom, and a son that is so sensitive and will sit with his arm around me and comfort me when I am sad. I am very lucky to have all of them. Please make sure to tell your family that you love them every chance you get.

I will leave you with a pic of our sweet Wo. I will have to take a look through the archives and come up with one that stands out. Thanks for continuing to support us. I do read all of your comments. They are all very sweet. Thank you. Until next time...


Our cute little Wo in the backyard at my Mom and Dad's house when they lived in Wadsworth.


  1. Pam, I was just going to message you on FB this morning, then I saw your post. Have been thinking about you - yes, the hurt will never go away but it does get "softer" - Please don't ever feel guilty about laughing or enjoying your life. That's what Wo wants you to do - remind yourself of that. We all love you and your family -


  2. That all sounds way too familiar. I still feel guilty sometimes enjoying life. But we must go on. I hated when people told me that. Sorry.

    The pictures of the puppies are almost too much!!! Makes me want one of those to replace the big bad dog. Ha ha ha!!!! But nothing is as cute as that picture of the baby Lauren. What a sweetie!!

    Take care of yourself and good luck on the job search. Love your family!!!



  3. Pam,
    I stopped by a few days ago, but it's difficult to leave comments from my phone. I know how sad you've been so wanted to write and when I was at my computer. I honestly think you wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel terrible sometimes. What happened to Lauren was heartbreaking, but you did the very best you could for her. I've said this before, but it's true. Lauren was surrounded with unconditional love and support and she was not alone and knew how much you loved her. Life is uncertain for everyone, but it's most difficult when it's your child. You're a strong family and will carry on, but I understand no one will ever replace your precious daughter. I wish more than anything this ended differently.
    I'm glad to hear Mark found a new job, tell him big congrats! I'd also like to kick his old company squarely in the arse, but unfortunately it seems it the norm companies don't value their employees anymore. Where we live we've seen good people let go time and time again. We hold our breath it's not us next time. In the end it's not important how much money you're sitting on it's whether you're loved and respected by those who know and care about you.
    Well, the wind has been howling around here all night. It's unsettling, but I think (hope) the worst is over. Hang in there and good luck with your job search.
    Hugs, Cathy & Heather