I Wish The Bad Memories Would Go Away

Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all doing well. Our family is doing ok. Not great, just ok. Winter is a depressing enough time as it is and then add on grieving a daughter and sister. Not fun.

 I had a wonderful lunch yesterday with my dear friend, Debbie. We sat and talked and talked, for about 3 hours!! She has always been there for me and is a true friend.

PLEASE DON'T READ THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU ARE EASILY UPSET.









I told Debbie that besides just missing Lauren, I wish I could get the bad stuff out of my head. I close my eyes and see Lauren laying in her hospital bed with so many tubes and the respirator. I see her body swollen so much that her poor legs look like they will split open. I see her involuntarily open her eyes and the whites are pure red.I see a blank stare and wonder if she was still there. I see her in her coffin and her mouth doesn't look right. I wonder why it is like that. I remember how cold her body was and still to this day wonder if she is cold. I wonder if she wants to come back to us and can't. I wonder if she cries for us as we cry for her.I know heaven is this glorious place, but I just can't wrap my head around that yet. I hope one day I can.











I miss the everyday time I spent with Wo. Making her scrambled eggs with cheese the way she liked them and being the only one that could make them just right. Going to the grocery store and out to lunch. Trying to lose weight together. I remember the time we tried Alli, a diet pill that would make you "shart" if you ate too much fat. We were on our 2 mile walk and all the sudden, I had to go and we had to cut through yards in the neighborhood to get home in time. We were laughing so hard and I was in pain. I miss that wonderful laugh of hers. I miss watching tv shows with her, especially funny shows. She would laugh so hard and that me laugh more than the show! I miss her and Gio teasing each other and then it escalating to tickling and wrestling. I found it annoying at the time, but would give anything to hear them again.

I feel like I have just been through a therapy session! Thank you all for continuing to read this blog. It really is my therapy. I can say whatever is on my mind and I feel better afterwards. I also feel I am letting you know what it feels like to lose a child. Just as I thankfully do not know what it is like to lose a parent or sibling, many of you hopefully do not know what it feels like to lose a child. I know I probably upset some of you that read "the paragraph" and for that I am sorry.

 I think this is the thing I will miss the most. Wo and I loved the beach and we would sit on our little beach chairs right at the point where the water met the beach and we would bake away in the sun. This is us on our last time at Myrtle Beach.

 

 

That is about all I have for now. As always, I will leave you with a pic of Wo. I am going to find one that catches my eye. Until next time...

Love,
-Pam

Love that face!!

I Got Nothing...But I Can Always Talk About Wo!!

Hi Everyone,

I know it is time for a new post, but I must be having what they call writer's block. I can't think of a darn thing. So, I decided to just start typing in hopes that something might pop into this tired, old head of mine. Still nothing. Hmmmmm. I guess it is because this time of year is so boring. Every year this time of year makes me just want to sleep the time away. When Lauren was alive, she still managed to brighten up days with her pizzazzy style. It makes me smile when I think of Ms. Bling.
Here are some examples:



Sequin shirts and earrings the size of Texas!

Hot pink and purple highlights and ear bling!

 

Eyeshadow to match the dress.

Fancy purses!

 

Crazy high heels!

 

Movie star sunglasses and bright pink lipstick!

 

Never a dull moment with Lauren around. She lit up a room like no other and I'm sure her star is one of the brightest in heaven. I found this little cartoon and it describes Lauren to a "T".

 

Wo was one of a kind and will never be forgotten.

Nothing much going on around here. The family is all fine. I guess I better go get all my Christmas stuff put away. Yes, that is right. I still haven't put it away. I am a bit of a procrastinator. Until next time, I hope you are all in good health, safe, and happy.

Love,
-Pam

50 Things About Wo

Hi Everyone,

Happy New Year! Last year was the worst year ever for our family, so we are hoping this year will be much better. New Year's Eve was very difficult to get through. I made dinner at home as usual and we watched the New Year's shows on tv. I saw all the people on tv laughing and smiling and I wondered when we will ever be happy like that again. I hope so much that one day we will be able to laugh and smile like that with joy in our hearts rather than sorrow. It really broke my heart to know that 2013 was the last year Lauren will ever know. She had so many plans for happy times in 2014, especially her getting married to the love of her life. I pray every night that she is happy in Heaven, but I have a hard time believing she is happy without Gio or her family. Since the holidays are winding down, I hope we will be able to feel some better, but I just don't see that happening quite yet. Lauren is constantly on our minds and we feel such a sense of loss and heartbreak. Since this blog is about Lauren, I thought it would be kind of fun to tell you more about her. So, I will tell you 50 things you may or may not know about Lauren. Here goes!!

1. She was born on March 6th, Mark's birthday!

2. She hated mushrooms.

3. She loved watching shows on the Disney channel.

4. She hated clowns and was terrified of them.

5. She could hit a baseball really far.

6. Wo loved to swim and could swim like a fish.

7. She was 5'9" tall.

8. Her favorite colors were black, red, and white.

9. She loved boy bands like 'NSync, O-Town, and One Direction.

10. She always had a smile that could light up a room.

11. She always wanted to be Italian.

12. She once dyed her hair black.

13. Wo loved mac and cheese.

14. She couldn't stand people that were fake or out for their own glory and could spot them from a mile away.

15. Lauren loved to bake, especially cookies.

16. She loved anything blingy and sparkly.

17. Her favorite flowers were red roses.

18. The cologne she liked the best was Lucky.

19. She loved spending time at her Grandma Tommie and Papa Ron's house.

20. When Lauren went shopping and found something on sale, she wouldn't just buy one. She would buy one in every color.

21. Lauren always wanted a Scion XB.

22. She did not like scary movies and was the most scared of Michael Myers.

23. She liked to drive fast and take corners even faster!

24. She loved Coach purses and thought she found her dream job when she landed a job at a Coach store, only to realize she hated high pressure sales and enjoyed working in the stockroom the best.

25. Diet Mountain Dew was her favorite and it was the first thing she asked for after her first surgery.

26. She did not like school at all and was so happy once she graduated.

27. She always looked up to her big sister, Kristen, and loved her very much.

28. She bought tons of high heels but rarely wore them because she felt like a giant.

29. She had a passion for beauty, and could put make-up on and look beautiful like no other. She also had a natural beauty and looked great without make-up as well.

30. She did not like when strangers got too close to her. She would give them the "back off" look.

31. She had the messiest bedroom I have ever seen.

32. She had a knack for sewing and could just whip things up.

33. She wanted to have 6 boys and name them all Italian names.

34. Lauren loved candy, especially super sour candy.

35. She loved huge earrings and is the only person that could pull them off without looking totally ridiculous. If I had to guess, she has over 200 pair.

36. She loved her baby brother, Ryan, and would do anything for him.

37. We have three dogs, but her favorite was Penny. Penny would always sit right with Lauren when she was sick and sleep all night right next to her in her bed.

38. Wo never complained when she was sick. She was always the strongest one in the family to deal with her cancer and always believed she would get better.

40. She always wanted to be a cashier when she was little and wanted a real cash register.

42. She broke her arm twice. Once when she stood up in a baby swing as she was going away from me and fell out and once when she was climbing up the front porch to get away from a dog while on roller skates.

43. She thought her Aunt Linda and Uncle Wayne were hilarious and loved them so much.

44. She loved when Gio's Mom made her espresso and she got all hyper.

45. She had great friends and loved having parties with them at Gio's house.

46. Her laugh made everyone else laugh.

47. She loved to shop and would come home with things for all of us that she knew we would love.

48. She welcomed the new people that came into our family, Bruce, Steph, and Katie, and loved them like family.

49. Her favorite person in the whole wide world was Gio. I think this year would have been their 9th year together. They were so adorable together. I loved him like he was my own. I still do, but never see him anymore. They were to be married Feb. 23rd of this year. It would have been the happiest day of their lives.

50. Family was everything to Wo. And she was everything to us.

This is just the tip of the iceberg with Lauren. I could go on and on with little nuggets about her. She was so much fun to be with and we will never be the same without her. God bless our dear daughter in heaven. My hope is that nobody else ever has to feel the pain we are feeling. I wish you all the happiest, best year ever. Thank you for continuing to read my blog as I keep Lauren's memory alive.

Love,
-Pam

Last year. Wo was so excited for the future!