Hope

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I haven't posted in a bit, but I have been working a lot and I am just too tired. I had a day off today and thoughts in my head, so here goes. Thanks for continuing to be interested in what I have to say!!

I am still feeling much better! My heart doesn't ache all the time and I haven't cried for a long time either. I feel so much stronger, which is something I never thought would happen. What a blessing to feel alive again! I know Wo would be so happy to know I am feeling better. I still miss her like crazy and have irrational thoughts at times, but I am on the mend!! Right when I go to bed is the worst time. I close my eyes and see Lauren in the hospital or in her casket every time. I try to get the vision out of my head, but sometimes it won't budge. I still talk to her all the time and tell her I love her and miss her. Mark and I still visit her gravesite every day. The candles I ordered came the very next day and are wonderful. They burn for 5 or 6 days and we are so happy with them. I have noticed that Mark and I both kiss our hand and rub Lauren's pic on her stone as if we are touching her hair. We then kiss our hand and touch the little angel sitting by her stone. We both do this every single time. I can't wait until the weather gets warmer and we can plant flowers at her grave and we can build her memorial garden at home. My mom and dad gave me the most beautiful angel that will be perfect in Wo's garden. I was thinking about a small flowering tree as well. Any suggestions for a smallish flowering tree?

The angel statue my mom and dad got me. I love it!! I think it looks like Wo when she was a little girl.

I was talking to Mark the other day. We talk about Wo all the time and Mark said something about having hope. He said hope is what makes him get up every day and go to work. I started thinking about all the things I have hope for. I guess the easiest way is to list them.

I hope Kristen and Ryan know that I love them more than anything. They have been put on the back burner for a few years, but I love them both so much and hope both of their futures are so bright! Of course, I wish the same for Bruce and Stephanie as well.

I hope Mark will find happiness and joy again. He is always so supportive and loving to me and our family.

I hope my mom and dad will live forever and remain healthy!

I hope my sister and her family will all remain happy and healthy. I can't wait for the newest addition!!!!

I hope my little doggies that bring me so much joy remain healthy.

I hope my great friend, Dawn's, great grandson makes a full recovery from cancer.

I hope all my friends with cholangiocarcinoma live long and happy lives. Clean scans and normal labs, baby!!!!!!

I hope Gio finds happiness and comes to see us one day.

I hope Wo is happy in heaven and is not cold, lonely, or scared. She was so cold in her casket and that really bothered me. I hope she is so happy that she doesn't miss us. I know she is around us all the time, but I hope she knows we feel her with us. I hope she is not scared being without us.

I hope one day I can have a reading with the Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo, so that I can have peace of mind that Wo is ok. I love her!!

I hope one day to be a grandma and to be called Nonni, which is Grandma in Italian. This is what Wo was going to have her kids call me.

I hope one day I find a job that will make me feel happy, appreciated, and valuable.

I hope anyone else that has lost someone they love finds peace and happiness again. Life is precious.

Thanks for continuing to care about what I have to say. As long as you keep reading, I will keep writing. Love to all of you,

-Pam

Wo with Grandma Tommie and Papa Ron. She loved them so much. Papa Ron just celebrated his 82nd birthday this past Tuesday!!!!!