Just A Little Message To The .1%

Hi Everyone,

For the 99.9% of you that read my blog, please disregard this message. You are all so wonderful and supportive and help me so much. I am forever grateful. For the .1% of you that read this blog just to be nosy and look for things to talk about and cause drama, please MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. My blog is MY blog to say WHATEVER I want. This is my way of expressing feelings about Lauren and to get rid of things that are bothering me. Nothing more. Don't read my blog unless you are coming from a place of love and caring for Lauren. Don't read things into what I am saying.You can't begin to imagine the pain we have all been through unless you have experienced it yourself. It is a daily struggle and we are all trying to cope. We all do this in different ways. My way is in writing. Enough said. So that this post can end on a good note, I will post a pic of the reason I write this blog. Plain and simple for our precious girl that we miss more each day.

Love,
-Pam

Daggers In My Heart

Hi Everyone! It is a crummy, rainy day today and that matches my foul mood. I am still doing better than before, but some days are still very difficult. I guess you could say that frequently I feel daggers in my heart.

Nothing will help except if Lauren could come back. And I know that is not going to happen, so maybe time will help.

I have noticed that I am crying more often again and things are bothering me. I put on my happy face at work, but sometimes I am so on the verge of busting out crying. The other day I saw a lady that used to live in our neighborhood and she hadn't heard that Lauren had passed. I told her and said that I am doing much better now. Her response was, "I would never feel better if one of my children died." I'm sure I am being overly sensitive, but to me that meant that she felt she loved her children more. Umm, sorry lady. That's not possible.

I see so many moms  my age with daughters my girls' ages with babies and small children. That causes me the greatest pain because I know that is impossible with Wo. I'm hopeful with Sis, but they will probably never live near us. I am so grateful to still have two wonderful children, but I feel so bad sometimes that my grief for Wo overshadows them.

On a lighter note, we have been working on Wo's memorial garden. We have it dug in the shape of a heart. We still have to get the brick for around it and pick out flowers. We bought and Mark planted a weeping cherry tree. It is fairly small, but it is perfect. I will post pics of the progress when it is done.

Maybe I shouldn't have written this today because I am in a bit of a funk. I just want to share my feelings and I guess you get the good with the bad. I feel that I am making progress, but losing a child is the greatest pain I could ever imagine.

Take care, everyone and thanks for all of your support.
Love,
-Pam

So beautiful!!

Baby Showers and Memories

Hi Everyone! Where does the time go? I have been really busy working a lot. Seems many people do not like working there and have quit!! So we are very short handed and very busy. Still not liking it, but it is a job and it does help pay the bills.

I am still doing much better. A few times last week I got a little teary, but nothing like before. With the changing of seasons, it makes me realize how long Wo has been gone. I miss her so much and I still talk to her every day and tell her that I love her about 100 times a day!

I was looking for something the other day and came across some old Mother's Day cards. I always save stuff like that and I am so glad I did. The things all three of my kids have written to me are priceless. But having things like this from Wo are so special to remember her by. I always wondered why I saved their artwork, old cards, baby teeth, and locks of hair. Now I have my answer.

I must be getting better because this month was the second month in a row that I have totally forgotten that the 9th was the anniversary date of when Wo passed. I feel bad the next day when I realize it, but I also feel good knowing that I am no longer dwelling on that day, but just remembering the good times. It has already been 10 months that she has been gone!

We put new lights up at Wo's gravesite. They are really bright and one lights up her face on her stone. We can see them from the entrance of the cemetery when it is dark and it makes us happy. Mark and I were there yesterday and a young girl was walking through the cemetery as we were leaving. She walked right back to Lauren's grave!! I was so happy to know that people still think about her. Thank you, whoever you are!!

I had a fun day last Sunday. Stephanie and I drove down to Columbus for my niece, Katie's baby shower. She is married to my nephew, Matt. He is my sister, Linda's son. Kristen and my mom were also there as well as Linda. There was a big crowd and Katie and Matt got tons of presents for their baby to be. We are so excited to welcome this baby. The last baby born into our family was Ryan almost 23 years ago! I didn't get a clear photo of Matt and Katie, but here are a few of the rest of us.

Selfie time with the grandma-to-be, my sister, Linda.

Sis and Stephanie both looking so cute!

Another one of Linda and me. Love her so much!! Notice I am trying to be more adventurous with my earrings.

 

Two of the great grandmas. My mom is on the left and Linda's mother-in-law is on the right. Two of the sweetest ladies in the world!!

Please keep two special people in your prayers. Our good friend, Lisa, had hernia surgery this past week. She has the same cancer as Wo had. Little Billy, my good friend, Dawn's great grandson just had surgery last week as well. He is only 3 and has a cancer called neuroblastoma.

As usual, I will leave you with a pic of our sweet Wo. Thanks for continuing to care. Your support sure does help! Much love to each and every one of you.

-Pam

My beautiful kids.