Another Week Gone By

Well, another week has gone by and we are still missing our sweet Wo. I don't feel much different than in weeks past, but I know it is still too early. Mark and I still meet each other at the cemetery after he leaves work. I told him that I think it makes me sadder to go there every day, but I still feel like I want to go. He says he needs to go there every day. We both talk to Lauren wherever we are, but just feel closer to her when we are there. It is very quiet and peaceful. We can't wait until her monument, headstone, whatever you want to call it is done. We have received sketches of the stone for approval and have sent it back three times with changes. We think we finally have what we want.

I went up to my Mom and Dad's this week on Tues. and stayed until Thurs. My sister, Linda, and my nephew, Michael also came up. We had fun swimming in their lake because it was so hot!! Their air conditioning was going on the fritz and it was 81 in their house. Good thing I took Lauren's trusty fan with me. She used to lug that thing everywhere so she could be cool. My Mom felt so bad because this happened, but I really didn't care. We went through the whole summer a few years back without air when ours broke. I think I could manage a few days!! They are going to have to buy a new unit and will probably do so in the near future. My Mom doesn't like air conditioning and really never gets hot. We never had it as a kid and we lived. Anyway, Thursday was my Mom's 78th birthday. Kristen and Bruce came from Michigan that evening to go to dinner with us. We went to a Mexican restaurant. I told Sis to tell Bruce to go to the restroom and on the way back tell them it was Grandma's birthday so they would sing to her. My Mom had no clue and neither did my Dad. After dinner, I heard the waiters banging tambourines and I knew what was coming. A bunch of them came out and sang to her, slapped a sombrero on her head, banged her head with a tambourine, and smeared whipped cream on her face. She didn't know what in the world was going on. We all laughed so hard, we were crying. It was hilarious and felt so good to really laugh. I know Lauren would have gotten the biggest kick out of it and she was probably watching the whole thing. Here are a few pics of my sweet Mom.

I love how Linda is laughing so hard she is crying!!

I met our friend, Lisa, for lunch yesterday at the Hartville Kitchen. She has the same cancer as Lauren and was going to be a bridesmaid in Lauren and Gio's wedding. This is the first time I had seen her since the calling hours for Lauren. We did ok together. Some crying, but we were ok. We had a nice lunch and even shared a piece of coconut cream pie. Yum. We went to the cemetery after lunch and Lisa brought flowers for Lauren. We could only stay there for a little while because it was unbearably hot in the middle of the afternoon. I thought it was so sweet that Lisa wanted to visit her gravesite. She is such a sweet lady and we all love her very much. here is a pic of the very last time Wo and Lisa had lunch together. I sure will miss those times and I know Lisa does too.

Two precious girls that really got what each other was going through.

I am continuing with the keeping busy thing and going to breakfast with my friends on Monday. We are blessed to have people that care about us. My Dad has been rescheduled for his surgery and it is now Aug. 2nd. I will be going to U of M to see him through along with my Mom, Linda and Wayne. Kristen and Bruce will be working, but will make it there sometime during the day. Mark cannot take more time off work since he took so much when Lauren was in the hospital. I hope Gio is doing well. He needs time away from us to heal and we are respecting his wishes. We sure do miss him and love him. That is about it for now. Thanks to all who are still supporting us. We love you. I will leave you with another pretty pic of Wo. Until next time...

Love,
-Pam

We miss you so much, pretty girl!!

I Wonder What Wo Is Doing In Heaven

I wonder often what Wo is doing in heaven. Since being diagnosed with cancer, Lauren met lots of others with her cancer and some with different kinds. Many have passed away and left their families devastated and missing them like we miss our Wo. I wonder if they all see each other in heaven. This is how I imagine it. Lauren eats lunch every day with our friend, Sharon, a lovely lady who passed away last year from gall bladder cancer. She was my age and left behind a sweet daughter that was close to Lauren's age. Marta was a beautiful girl around Lauren's age that lost her life last year due to stomach cancer. She had a passion for hair and make up just like Wo did. I bet they spend time doing each other's hair, make up, and nails. They reminded me so much of each other. I'm sure they are best friends. Kim, a gorgeous lady with a personality to match, passed away last year from Cholangiocarcinoma, the same cancer Wo had. She left behind two teenage daughters. She was a radio show host and friend to all. I'm sure she is taking great care of Lauren because she was such a role model to her and tried to help any way possible when Lauren was diagnosed. Our pal, Cindy, was a wife, mother, and grandma. What a dear, sweet lady she was. She passed this year from Cholangiocarcinoma as well.  She had many talents including card making and gardening. I am sure she has a garden in heaven and teaches Lauren how to grow things. I know she has met other friends that passed recently too from Cholangiocarcinoma like Tim, Trevor, Ryan, Diana, Susan, Diarmuid, Sara, Joe, Jim and so many others whose wives, husbands, sisters, brothers and children are friends of ours on FB or cc.org and those that passed a few years ago like Shirley, Teddy, Jack and so many more. I'm sure all her great grandparents are taking good care of her as well as my cousin, Rick and my Aunt Betty.

Mark and I are still having a very difficult time. It seems each day gets harder than the day before. I see people at the store with two little girls and that makes me sad. I hear someone yelling at their child and that makes me sad. I hear a song on the radio and that makes me sad. I get in our pool and that makes me sad because Lauren was so excited for summer. I get the mail and there is a bridal magazine and that makes me sad. I went in Lauren's room this week to start cleaning it up and totally had a breakdown when I saw all of her things. They all reminded me of fun times we had in the past. She never just bought one of anything. It will take forever to organize all her stuff. She was always planning for the future. Will we ever be ok? Will this pain go away?

I am going to my Mom and Dad's next week for a few days and so is my sister. She is always fun to be around so I am sure she will try and cheer me up. I feel bad leaving Mark and Ryan, but I think it will be good for me. Kristen and Bruce are going to come over for an evening. Sis is so busy with studying for boards and all the orientation stuff for her new job. Plus, on top of that, last weekend she had a kidney stone. She is feeling better, but those are so painful. My Dad and I are also lucky to have had them. I still can't decide which hurts worse, having a baby or a kidney stone!!

The Italian Festival is going on this weekend. Lauren absolutely loved going to this every year with Gio. So much Italian food, music, and spectacular fireworks. We don't think we are going this year. I think it would be way too hard for us and I don't feel like trying to fight back tears all night. I know Gio, his Dad, and brother are working it this year. His Dad and brother work there every year at the Carovillese Club booth selling sausage sandwiches. Gio is working at the beer truck with Bruno's fiance and a bunch of her friends. We are happy they are keeping Gio busy. We sure miss seeing him every day and hope he is doing well.

That is about it for this week. We are excited that there is no rain in the forecast for the near future!! Mark and I will probably hang by the pool this weekend with our pups. Maybe Ryan will join us when he is not working at the bike shop or hanging out with friends. I hope you all have a great weekend. I will leave you with a pic I stumbled across while looking back at Wo's Fb page. I found a few I had never seen before, each more beautiful than the last. We sure do love that girl. Until next time...

Love,
-Pam

Still Heartbroken

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all of your continued thoughts and prayers. Things are not much better around here. I'm sorry to say that, but they aren't. This is my place to come and let out my pain. I do not post on Facebook about how I am feeling, so if this is too downer for you, I suggest you don't read it. The fact is Mark and I miss our daughter more than ever. Nothing makes us feel better and the pain is always there. People have told us that in time, the pain will diminish. It will have to because we can't live in this hurt forever. Sure, we carry on with our day to day tasks and visit the cemetery every day, but the joy of life is gone for the moment. I know, you all tell me that Lauren is in a better place and she is not in pain anymore. This is true, but I am sure she would love to be planning her wedding, swimming in her pool, eating great food and spending time with her family and her love, Giovanni. Life is simply not fair and we have to learn to accept what has happened. I think that will take a mighty long time.

My Dad's surgery has been postponed for a bit because he had poison ivy and the doctor was not totally convinced that it wasn't shingles. So, until it is totally gone, no surgery. A compromised immune system is not good when replacing a mitral valve. He is kind of happy because now he can do more work on his house!! I swear, he never stops.

We didn't do much for the 4th. Mark wanted ribs from Old Carolina and they had an ad on the radio that they were $10 a slab instead of the regular $19.99 a slab. He called and ordered four slabs and we had a pick up tme of 2:30. He was busy pruning trees with Ryan, so I went to pick them up. It was total chaos and the take out line was moving at a snail's pace. I was next in line and the manager announced that they were out of ribs and that they didn't even have enough to fill any more take out orders. Great!! She did give us a coupon for four free slabs, but it kind of put a damper on our plans. I stopped and got burgers on the way home, since I didn't have anything thawed. Needless to say, nobody was very thrilled. It was rainy, so we decided not to go to fireworks.

Mark wanted to take me out to dinner last night since we never celebrated my birthday this year. It was on Lauren's surgery day. We got dressed up and he took me to my favorite restaurant, Desert Inn. It was delish. We had filets and they bring out a big tray filled with Syrian rice, Greek salad, garlic bread, and broasted potatoes. Yum!!! I had baklava for dessert and Mark had German chocolate cake with ice cream. We talked a lot about Lauren through dinner and cried a few times as well.

Today, we are getting our ribs that we wanted a few days ago. I am making a cake and we are celebrating Ryan and my birthdays. He was 22 on June 21, but was on vacation with Stephanie and her family at the time. It is still rainy here. I wish this stupid front would go away so we could enjoy our summer.

I had a message on Facebook from the girl that runs TMT Rescue. This was one of the charities we had requested donations be sent to in memory of Lauren. It is a rescue group that rescues dogs from unfavorable conditions, fosters them and gives them medical care, and finds them forever homes. With the money that was donated in Lauren's name, they were able to rescue two dogs. We love dogs so much and Lauren would be so happy to know that she saved two dogs and they will be placed in loving homes!!!  Thank you to all who donated!

Thanks to everyone who has donated to the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation as well. Hopefully, a cure will be found for this horrible disease.

I will have to hunt around in my picture library for something to post. Maybe a blast from the past from Ryan's birthday in a past year.

Thanks for reading and putting up with my venting. I feel a little better right now. Until next time...

Love,
-Pam

Ryan celebrating his birthday and Wo, who was always by his side.