Saturday, July 13, 2013

I Wonder What Wo Is Doing In Heaven

I wonder often what Wo is doing in heaven. Since being diagnosed with cancer, Lauren met lots of others with her cancer and some with different kinds. Many have passed away and left their families devastated and missing them like we miss our Wo. I wonder if they all see each other in heaven. This is how I imagine it. Lauren eats lunch every day with our friend, Sharon, a lovely lady who passed away last year from gall bladder cancer. She was my age and left behind a sweet daughter that was close to Lauren's age. Marta was a beautiful girl around Lauren's age that lost her life last year due to stomach cancer. She had a passion for hair and make up just like Wo did. I bet they spend time doing each other's hair, make up, and nails. They reminded me so much of each other. I'm sure they are best friends. Kim, a gorgeous lady with a personality to match, passed away last year from Cholangiocarcinoma, the same cancer Wo had. She left behind two teenage daughters. She was a radio show host and friend to all. I'm sure she is taking great care of Lauren because she was such a role model to her and tried to help any way possible when Lauren was diagnosed. Our pal, Cindy, was a wife, mother, and grandma. What a dear, sweet lady she was. She passed this year from Cholangiocarcinoma as well.  She had many talents including card making and gardening. I am sure she has a garden in heaven and teaches Lauren how to grow things. I know she has met other friends that passed recently too from Cholangiocarcinoma like Tim, Trevor, Ryan, Diana, Susan, Diarmuid, Sara, Joe, Jim and so many others whose wives, husbands, sisters, brothers and children are friends of ours on FB or cc.org and those that passed a few years ago like Shirley, Teddy, Jack and so many more. I'm sure all her great grandparents are taking good care of her as well as my cousin, Rick and my Aunt Betty.

Mark and I are still having a very difficult time. It seems each day gets harder than the day before. I see people at the store with two little girls and that makes me sad. I hear someone yelling at their child and that makes me sad. I hear a song on the radio and that makes me sad. I get in our pool and that makes me sad because Lauren was so excited for summer. I get the mail and there is a bridal magazine and that makes me sad. I went in Lauren's room this week to start cleaning it up and totally had a breakdown when I saw all of her things. They all reminded me of fun times we had in the past. She never just bought one of anything. It will take forever to organize all her stuff. She was always planning for the future. Will we ever be ok? Will this pain go away?

I am going to my Mom and Dad's next week for a few days and so is my sister. She is always fun to be around so I am sure she will try and cheer me up. I feel bad leaving Mark and Ryan, but I think it will be good for me. Kristen and Bruce are going to come over for an evening. Sis is so busy with studying for boards and all the orientation stuff for her new job. Plus, on top of that, last weekend she had a kidney stone. She is feeling better, but those are so painful. My Dad and I are also lucky to have had them. I still can't decide which hurts worse, having a baby or a kidney stone!!

The Italian Festival is going on this weekend. Lauren absolutely loved going to this every year with Gio. So much Italian food, music, and spectacular fireworks. We don't think we are going this year. I think it would be way too hard for us and I don't feel like trying to fight back tears all night. I know Gio, his Dad, and brother are working it this year. His Dad and brother work there every year at the Carovillese Club booth selling sausage sandwiches. Gio is working at the beer truck with Bruno's fiance and a bunch of her friends. We are happy they are keeping Gio busy. We sure miss seeing him every day and hope he is doing well.

That is about it for this week. We are excited that there is no rain in the forecast for the near future!! Mark and I will probably hang by the pool this weekend with our pups. Maybe Ryan will join us when he is not working at the bike shop or hanging out with friends. I hope you all have a great weekend. I will leave you with a pic I stumbled across while looking back at Wo's Fb page. I found a few I had never seen before, each more beautiful than the last. We sure do love that girl. Until next time...

Love,
-Pam


10 comments:

  1. What a stunning photograph. Massive hugs and loads of love Pam. xxxxxx

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    1. Thank you, Deb. You are always so kind.

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  2. Hi, Pam!
    I just wanted to let you know that my family and I are all still praying and thinking of you all everyday. We still cannot believe that Lauren is no longer here. I think of Lauren everyday and imagine her beautiful smile and the impact she had on all of us. Anytime I talk to anyone about her, I tell them that she was by far the sweetest, kindest person that I had ever met. The other day my daughter, Halle, asked if I could do her makeup for fun, and when I did, she asked me if I could do it like Lauren's makeup:) She loved Lauren so much, and always had so much fun when we were with Lauren and Gio. I hope you enjoy the sunshine, it sure is a beautiful day! Hugs and kisses to you and your family!

    Love,
    Courtney, Michael, and Halle Taggart

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    1. Thank you so much, Courtney. Lauren loved you, Michael, and Halle so much. She always had such nice things to say about all of you. That's funny that Halle wanted her makeup like Lauren. She certainly had her own style. I wish you all the best with your growing family and hope to see you all some day. Bless you.

      Love,
      -Pam

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  3. I want you to know that I love you and I talked about you and your Lauren this weekend.

    Love, Teresa

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    1. Thanks, Teresa. I love you too and thanks for keeping Lauren's memory alive.

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  4. I wish you a lot of strenght with the loss of your beautiful daughter, sister and fiancee. I came across your blog while browsing the Internet.
    My husband also has CC and we know that he is no longer to heal,
    we cherish the time that is given us.
    We hope that more research can come to this terrible disease so that in the future there is a better treatment for it.

    Much love and strength from Rose (The Netherlands.)

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    1. Hi Rose,

      I am very sorry that your husband has cc. I sure hope there comes a time where there is a cure or at least a great treatment that will give people a long time to live.Thank you so much for reaching out to us. I have met so many wonderful people from around the world. Please check out the cholangiocarcinoma.org website if you have not already done so. You will get lots of information, but mainly meet the nicest, most caring people in the world. Hoping for the best for your husband.

      Love,
      -Pam

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  5. Pam,
    I think of your beautiful girl often. I understand there are no words to really comfort you, but you have my deepest sympathies.
    From the first moment I learned of Lauren she had my heart. I like to believe our daughters could have been friends if they had the opportunity.
    I respect how you handled everything Pam. Unless a family experiences something like this it’s impossible to understand what is involved. I’m not saying I do either, because my daughter survived. However, we experienced enough teetering on the edge of the world to know it’s a tough place to live. I came to the conclusion if I did everything possible and lost my daughter I think I could live with myself and carry on. My daughter was sick for eight years so I had more time to mentally process my emotions. Lauren’s journey from diagnosis was so swift and every time you caught your breath something new came at you.
    You’re strong and will carry on, but I’m sure you will always hold Lauren close to you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Thinking of you,
    Hugs, Cathy & Heather

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    1. Hi Cathy and Heather,

      You always know just what to say. Thank you for that. Teetering on the edge is indeed a scary place to be.I know you have been there a lot, but I am so happy that Heather is a success story. It is nice to know that you care and hopefully one day our family will be able to remember Lauren with smiles on our faces. Right now it hurts worse than anything imagineable. But, we are tough and will get through this. We have to. Thank you again for all of your support.

      Love,
      -Pam

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