Sad For the Day That Will Never Be

Hi Everyone,

I think this is the hardest week I have had so far and it is only Tuesday. It is not just because of my grief, but because of my feeling bad for poor Wo. She was supposed to be getting married this Saturday to her beloved Giovanni. I know Giovanni now has his own life and is moving on to try and find happiness. I think that is great and I wish him all the best. I will always love that kid with all my heart. I just can't get past Lauren not being able to have her one day that she wanted more than anything. It seems she always got dealt the bad hand her whole life. From having seizures when she was a toddler to being teased about her weight when she was in school, she has always faced hardship. Gio was her bright spot. Life was never fair for Lauren, but she never lost her optimism or her smile. She and I had so many plans for the future. She wanted 6 boys and I was going to help take care of them. She wanted them to all have Italian names. She wanted to cook big dinners and have us over to her and Gio's house. She wanted us to be together every day while the men were at work. And now it is all gone. We did have Lauren's wedding dress and veil buried with her. I hope somehow in heaven she can wear it. I can honestly say now that I think I have sunk to my lowest low so there is nowhere to go but up. I sure hope it happens soon, because the pain is almost unbearable. I don't want pity or sympathy. I just want to not be in pain anymore and to find joy again. That is it. I have a wonderful husband that loves me so much and two living children that need me to be a good Mom to them. I have a son-in-law that loves my daughter and Ryan has a dear girlfriend. I have two sweet chihuahuas that love nothing better than to sit on my lap. I have an old dog that finds comfort when I am around. I am lucky to still have my Mom and Dad who always worry if I am ok and are so sweet. And I have a terrific sister, brother-in-law, two nephews, a niece, and baby to-be coming in May. I am so blessed to have all of them, but it will just take time to fill the gaping hole in my heart that is called Wo.

That is all for now. I will try my hardest to have more uplifting posts in the future, but right now I can't promise anything. I will leave you with a few pictures of my choice. Thank you for your support and caring.

Love,
-Pam

Lauren was head over heels for Gio.

 



I miss this girl so much.

Wo and Sis. Sisters forever.